How Could You? Copyright (c) Jim Willis 2001, all rights reserved When I was a puppy I entertained you with my antics and made you laugh. You called me your child and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend. Whenever I was “bad.” You’d shake your finger at me and ask “ How could you?” --- but then you’d relent and roll me over for a bellyrub. My housetraining took a little longer than expected, because you were terribly busy but we worked on that together. I remember those nights of nuzzling you in bed, listening to yor confidences and secret dreams, and I believed that life could not be any more perfect. We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice-cream ( I only got the cone because “ ice-cream is bad for dogs.” You said). And I took long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day. Gradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career, and more time searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently, comforted you through heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided you about bad decisions, and romped with glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love. She, now your wife, is not a “dog person”—still I welcomed her into our home. Tried to show her affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because you were happy. Then the human babies came along and I shred your excitement. I was fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them, too. Only she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spent most of my time banished to another room, or to a dog crate. Oh, how I wanted to love them, but I became a “prisoner of love.” As they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur and pulled themselves up on wobbly legs, poked fingers in my eyes, investigated my ears and gave me kisses on my nose. I loved everything about them, especially their touch – because your touch was now so infrequent – and I would have defended them with my life if need be. I would sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and secret dreams. Together we waited for the sound of your car in the driveway. There had been a time, when others asked you if you had a dog, that your produced a photo of me form you wallet and told them stories about me. These past few year, you just answered “ yes” and changed the subject. I had gone from being your dot to “ just a dog,” and you resented every expenditure on my behalf. Now you have a new career opportunity in another city and you and they will be moving to an apartment that dose not allow pets. You’ve mad the right decision for your “family,” but there was a time when I was your only family. I was excited about the car ride until we arrived at the animal shelter. It smelled of dogs and cats, or fear, of hopelessness. Your filled out the paperwork and said “I know you will find a good home for her.” “ They shrugged and gave you a pained look. They understand the realities facing a middle-aged dog or cat, even one with “papers.” You had to pry your son’s fingers loose form my collar as he screamed “No, Daddy ! Please don’t let them take my dog !” and I worried for him and what lessons you had just taught him about friendship and loyalty, about love and responsibility, and about respect for all life. You gave me a goodbye pat on the head, avoided my eyes, and politely refused to take my collar and leash with you. You had a deadline to meet and now I have one, too. After you left, the two nice ladies said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago and made no attempt to find me another good home. They shook their heads and asked “ How could you?” They are as attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy schedules allow. They feed us, of course, but I lost my appetite days ago. At first, whenever anyone passed my pen, I rushed to the front, hoping it was you – that you had changed you mind – that this was all a bad dream…or I hoped it would at least be someone who cared, anyone who might save me. When I realized I could not compete with the frolicking for attention of happy puppies, oblivious to their own fate, I retreated to a far corner and waited. I heard her footsteps as she came for me at the end of the day and I padded along the aisle after her to a separate room. A blissfully quiet room. She placed me on the table, rubbed my ears and told me not to worry. My hear pounded in anticipation of what was to come, but there was also a sense of relief. The prisoner of love had run out of days. As is my nature, I was more concerned about her. The burden which she bears weighs heavily on her and I know that, the same way I knew our every mood. She gently placed a tourniquet around my foreleg as a tear ran down her cheek. I licked her and hand in the same way I used to comfort you so many years ago. She expertly slid the hypodermic needle into my vein. As I felt the sting and the cool liquid coursing through my body, I lay down sleepily, looked into her kind eyes and murmured , “How could you?” Perhaps because she understood my dog speak, she said, “I’m so sorry.” She hugged me and hurriedly explained it was her job to make sure I went to a better place, where I wouldn’t be ignored of abused or abandoned, or have to fend for myself – a place of love and light so very different from this earthly place. With my last bit of energy, I tried to convey to her with a thump of my tail that my “ How could you?” was not meant for her. It was you, My Beloved Master, I was thinking of. I will think of you and wait for your forever. May everyone in your life continue to show you so much loyalty. The End

有寵物或愛狗之人必看

真實故事有寵物或愛狗之人必看曾經發生過千千萬萬次的 [轉載]倪震翻譯 (有寵物或愛狗之人必看) 當 我還是傻裡傻氣的小狗時，一 舉一動都會令你樂不可支。你稱我為自己骨肉，喚我作心肝寶貝。雖然，我解剖過你幾個枕頭，咬爛過你不少鞋子，但我們還是成為了最親蜜的朋友。每次我「壞」 了，你都會指著我，大叫：「豈有此理！」，但轉眼又會按捺不住，眉開眼笑地把我反過來搓肚子。 我記得多少個晚上，我在被窩?，鼻子哄著你，聽著你說秘密、說理想、說夢話。噢，那是多美滿的日子。我們一起散步，一起奔跑，一起遊車河，一起買雪糕 (每次你將雪糕吃光，把雪糕筒留給我，便開始說雪糕對狗有害)。 你上班，我會晒著太陽，半睡半醒的等你回家，有時夢見你，有時想著你。你愈來愈忙了，除了工作，也開始拍拖。我仍然每天等你，在你心碎、失意時安慰你；無論你對或錯，我都只會默默支持你。你回家，我當然雀躍；嗅出你戀愛的喜悅，我更欣喜若狂。 她， 現在是你的妻子了，並不太喜歡狗，但我仍然歡迎她。我對她唯命是從，嘗試用熱情感動她。你快樂，我便快樂。嬰兒一個個出世，我和你同樣興奮。看到他們嬌嫩 粉紅的肌膚，嗅著他們的氣味，令我覺得自己也是父母，我也想照顧他們呀。但她，和你，卻擔心小孩子的安全，最後，我不是被關在工作間，就是給困在籠子?。 唉， 我是這樣的愛他們；愛，卻把我囚禁起來。小孩子慢慢長大，我終於成為他們的好朋友。他們扯著我的毛，戰戰兢兢地走出第一步；他們用小手指戳我的眼，好奇地 拉開我的耳朵研究，又熱情地吻我鼻子。他們怎樣搞，我都無任歡迎，畢竟，你已經很少和我玩。我願意付出性命，來保護他們。我會鑽進被窩，聽他們的小煩惱、 小夢話，我又會和他們一起，等待著你每天回家開門的鑰匙聲。 從前，朋友問起你有沒有養狗，你會急不及待從銀包拿出我的照片，興奮地講我們的故事。這幾年，你只會「嗯」一聲，就轉話題；我也早從你的「心肝寶貝」，變回你養的「一條狗」。我更留意到，你對養我的支出和費用，開始縐眉頭了。 現在，你要調去上海工作，公司為你租的大廈不准養寵物。你為「家庭」，作出了理性的抉擇。只可惜，沒有人提醒你，曾幾何時，我就是你的「家庭」。 很久沒遊車河了，我真有點興奮，直至，我進入了「愛護動物協會」，貓、狗、絕望、和恐懼的氣味湧進鼻子?。你填好文件，說：「我知你們會替牠找個好歸宿的。」工作人員聳聳肩，一臉無奈。 他 們都知道，就算有出世紙，為中年犬隻尋找一個家有多渺茫。你的兒子尖叫著：「爸，不要讓他們帶走我的狗！」你要撬開他手指，他才肯鬆開我的頸圈。我實在替 他擔心，我擔心你剛替他上的一堂課，會令他一生對友誼、忠誠、愛、責任，和所有生命都需要尊重的價值產生懷疑。你留下了頸圈和皮帶，避開我的視線，拍拍我 的頭當說再見。趕著開會的你，看看錶，時間已無多；我不用開會，但情況，似乎一樣。 你走後，兩位工作人員談起來，說你幾個月前就知自己要調職，為甚麼不自己嘗試替我找戶好人家？她們搖搖頭，說：「豈有此理！」。 工作人員忙得要命，但很看顧我們。當然，每天都有食物供應，但，我己經喪失食慾很久了。起初，每有人走近「囚室」，我都以為是你回心轉意，連跑帶跳地衝前向鐵欄杆﹐希望一切只是場惡夢。 後來，我開始期盼會是想收養我的好心人，任何人，只要把我從這夢魘救出去就好。最後，我明白我不會是中心其他幼犬的對手，牠們活潑可愛，沒有包袱，我開始長期縮在「囚室」一角，靜靜等待。 有天，下班前，我聽到腳步聲來找我，跟著她，我蹓過長長的走廊，入了一個房間。靜得像天國似的一個房間。她把我放上桌子，揉著我耳朵，叫我不要怕。我的心砰砰跳著，估量著下一步會是甚麼，暗地?，卻有點如釋重負。 做囚犯的日子，似乎走到盡頭了。我的天性不改，看見她邊拿起針筒邊流淚，又開始為她擔心。我明明白白到她的情緒，正如我明明白白你的一樣。我輕輕舔著她的手安慰她，就如從前安慰著你。 她 專業地把針滑進靜脈，刺痛帶著一陣清涼的液體流遍我全身。我累了，躺下，想睡了，抬頭望著她慈愛的眼睛，我喃喃怨道：「豈有此理！」她不知是看得懂，還是 聽得懂，抱著我，抱歉地說對不起。又匆匆地解釋一切都是為了確保我不用受苦，不用受遺棄。我去的地方充滿著愛，充滿光明，會比這個世界更適合我。 我用盡最後一分氣力，重重地擺了擺尾，想告訴她，那句「豈有此理！」，不是對她說的，是對我最愛的主人說的。 我會永遠想念你，也會永遠等你。我希望你一生遇上的所有人，都和我對你一樣有情有義，都和我對你一樣忠誠。 註：有人在美國，用七千美元在報紙買了全版廣告，來刊登 Jim Willis 寫的這篇。Jim的英文版歡迎轉載，我這篇翻譯也是一樣。有心人，先多謝了。倪震

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灣仔黃婆 ※ ※ ※ 係五、六十年代，我係北角果間好出名，叫「麗池」0既夜總會度做舞小姐，果陣時，由於我人靚舞又跳得好，所以好受D客人歡迎。有一日，有一個好英俊又好有 錢0既新加坡華僑0黎捧我場，我地一見鍾情，可惜個男人係新加坡已經有老婆，但個男人話好鍾意我，仲應承我話番去之後會跟佢老婆離婚，之後就會番0黎娶 我！係佢臨走果晚，我地兩個依依不捨，個男人仲送左一條珠鏈一條黃色裙一對黃色高跟鞋俾我當訂情信物！果晚我成身金光閃閃，跟果個男人跳「最後」一隻舞 ——因為果個男人走左之後就一直都冇再番過0黎！點解唔過去新加坡搵果個男人？果陣時搭飛機唔係好似依家咁容易！後來「麗池」執左，我就去左灣仔D細廳 做，但歲月不留人，老啦，無人再肯請我，最後淪為做乞兒，但我一直堅持著住果條黃色裙，因為就算果個男人見番我認唔到我，但至少都會認得條裙！所以——果 條裙一著著左三十幾年，從未除落0黎洗過——點解我會由灣仔搬左去中環呢度？因為呢度近機鐵香港站，D生意人或者旅客如果0黎香港0黎中環，一定會0黎坐 天星小輪，一定會經過呢條天橋，所以，唉！天若有情天亦老——

沒哭聲的女兒

沒哭聲的女兒 【明報專訊】 28歲的黃太，有兩個女兒。小女兒不會哭笑，不會呼吸，不會長大 ── 她在35周時胎死腹中。 雖然黃太甚至沒聽過女兒的哭聲，但無減母親的愛與思念。在媽媽心?，她永遠佔有一個特別的位置。 直至如今，人們問我有多少個孩子時，我仍然不懂得回答。因為，我的小女兒未生已死。 那 夜，她沒踢我，我還記得，去年8月10日下午，我覺得一向動得很厲害的BB，好像停了下來，但當時沒有為意。翌日起?，突然覺得她整晚沒踢過。我覺得肚子 很大，但?面是空盪盪的，我感覺不到她的生命。原來，胎兒沒了生命，媽媽是感覺到的。那一刻，我好害怕。我急急搖電話給做產科護士的表姊，她說﹕『你立即 到急症室去﹗』 急症室醫生測不到胎兒的心跳，立即送我上病房再檢查。醫生為我駁上更精密的儀器，我看?顯示屏，見有類似心跳的顯示，便不停問﹕『這是否BB心跳﹖』心?不斷叫BB﹕『你快些動吧，快些動吧﹗』可惜，原來那只是我自己的心跳。 證實了BB心跳停頓，丈夫與女兒趕來醫院，3個人只懂抱頭痛哭。胎兒保不住了，我覺得自己很沒用，丈夫安慰我﹕『我們還年輕，這些事是注定的。』 8月11日當晚，醫生讓我回家休息，翌日才催生，雖然，8月12日正是大女兒的生日。 回到家?，看?一箱九大包的尿片，還有為她準備的用品與衣物，我哭了一晚，累極卻不能眠。 翌 日入院催生，丈夫亦有陪產。姑娘抹乾淨BB才問我們﹕『你要不要見她﹖』前一日，我阿姨叮囑我﹕『你一定要看看她，雖然那一刻很傷心。否則，待心情平復 後，你會後悔。』我們點頭，伸出手抱?才35周大的女兒，跟她談了半小時。我第一句忍不住責罵她﹕『點解你咁曳，還有個多月也等不了﹖』我告訴她﹕『如果我再有BB，你可以回來做我的孩子。』 姑娘給女兒拍了兩張即影即有相片，並印了小腳板，給我們留念。我與丈夫決定，女兒留下的一切，只屬於我倆，不會再讓別人分享。 我 與丈夫淚流滿臉，但因為生產過程?實太累，我沒有想像中的激動，倒很想睡。但我告訴自己﹕『要努力記住這一刻，記?她在我懷抱?的感覺，因為以後都不會再 有機會了。』我女兒長得很可愛很漂亮，很像她爸爸，尤其一張小嘴，跟丈夫睡覺時的嘴一模一樣。她很輕，跟熟睡嬰兒沒有兩樣，但當我觸到她的臉蛋時，覺得冷 冰冰，我才醒覺，她已經沒有生命了。 助產的姑娘想安慰我，告訴我她也有一個兒子，出生才一天就死去。但我說﹕『起碼他張開過眼睛，見過你。至少你聽過兒子的哭聲，我卻什麼都聽不到。』 回到病房，我哭得眼都腫起來。看見別的產婦，一人抱一個BB，覺得很羨慕。站在育嬰室外，我羨慕地看?人家的BB。 翌日出院前，我再到產房抱抱女兒，並替她拍照。我還想給她洗一次澡，但她的皮膚很薄，一抓就會破損，唯有作罷。女兒被放在雪櫃一晚，再抱起她，感覺很凍，我的心也很痛。 回 家後，晚上當女兒睡了，丈夫上了班，我就特別難過傷心，覺得好孤獨，很想很想跑回醫院抱她。覆診那天，我站在產房門口，很有衝動走進去抱抱女兒，最後，我 跟自己說﹕『就算這一刻入去抱了又如何﹖翌日還可以再來嗎﹖已沒可能一世見?她了。』我只能站在那?哭了。後來我又想，過門而不入，女兒會否惱媽媽呢﹖我 真的不知道。 不久我開始乳脹。沒有BB可餵，我脹得很辛苦，吃止痛藥，喝收奶茶，都不管用。我一邊脹奶，一邊流淚。 姑娘教我給女兒寫封信，將要說的話都寫下去。於是，我請大女兒畫一幅畫，送給妹妹帶走。她回家畫了一幅全家福，畫?有爸爸、媽媽、姊姊與妹妹，我們每人在畫上寫了一句祝福說話。我寫﹕『我希望你永遠快樂。』 姑娘很遲才告訴我，可以帶衣服給女兒，所以我急急請媽媽代買一套粉紅色的衫仔，讓她穿?上路。匆忙間，我們只準備了一個小頭箍、一張黃色包被，和兩個Hello Kitty公仔，連同大女兒畫的畫，請醫生都放進她的小箱子?。 我 最不開心，是沒有給女兒準備一個好一點的盒子。醫院的姑娘說，會給她睡一個較好的箱仔，卻原來，只是一個裝?液用的紙皮箱。我這種情形不算很罕見，為什麼 醫院不能準備得好一點﹖或者讓我買一個好看一點的給女兒﹖這是我最大的遺憾，很後悔沒有自行安排火化。作為一個媽媽，我已經沒什麼可以為她做了，唯一可以 做的只有這些。 不久，我收到通知去領女兒的骨灰。我認不得路，唯有等丈夫處理，就這樣拖了一個月。每日送大女兒上學，坐車經過墳場，我也四處張望，好想找她。天天經過都不接她走，不知她會否惱我呢﹖我傳了個短信息給丈夫，翌日他下班便帶我去領回小女兒。 小女兒回家了，一家人在一起，我覺得比較開心。我們將裝?骨灰的公文袋放在組合櫃上，因為擔心大女害怕，始終不敢堂堂正正擺放出來，漸漸，我覺得對小女兒不公平。數月後，我跑到紅磡殯儀館附近，為她申請『擺位』，安葬到哥連臣角。 記得出院後，有次大女跟爸爸玩得好開心，我的眼淚卻不受控地流。我想到，小女兒沒機會跟爸爸玩，沒機會讓爸爸抱了。就算燒飯時，我也想到她沒機會吃到。所以，每次到哥連臣角，我都會親自為她煮食物，因為我可以為她做的，就只有這麼多。 小女兒走了，突然間，世界好像停了下來，我人生中有8個月好像消失了，什麼都沒做過。直到如今，我仍未能正常運作。世界從此不同了，因為我的生命中，少了一些東西。 現在我特別害怕大女兒生病。上月她出風癩，我明知翌日便會消散，但仍然害怕得要命，終於帶她去急症室。因為我已經失去了一次，不想再有第二次。 我仍然想再懷孕。失去小女兒的一刻，我很想快點再懷孕，讓她有機會回來。但其實就算再生，是否她回來，誰知道呢﹖而且生出來都是我的子女，都要盡心盡力照顧。只是現時我的身體太差，還要再等一下。 我也相信時間會?淡悲傷。這兩年，我會經常去探小女兒，過幾年，沒那麼牽掛了，或許會少去一點。但現在，我仍經常記掛她，雖然我仍未懂得回答別人，究竟我有多少個女兒。 面對現實——媽媽的話﹕做錯了什麼﹖ 醫 生曾建議解剖，找出女兒的死因。我想，反正人也走了，小小人兒還要捱一刀，而且傷口再不會復元，好像很殘忍。但丈夫決定解剖，他希望找出原因，預防下次懷 孕再發生同樣問題。可惜，最後還是找不出原因。我與丈夫經常想，我們是否做錯了什麼事﹖是因為我在34周問了醫生她的性別，故她小器呢﹖還是丈夫那天抹了 冷氣機呢…… 丈夫覺得，始終懷孕的是我，他再傷心也不及我，所以一直不讓別人在我面前重提此事，包括大女兒。但女兒偶爾也會跟我說﹕「我很掛念妹妹。」 要告訴人家沒事了 不過，醫院的社工說﹕「不要刻意迴避，每講一次，等於面對一次。」事實上，出院後不久，我就開始四處打電話向人交代，主要是大女同學的媽媽。有些遺漏了，打來恭喜我，那一刻我雖然不開心，但我告訴自己﹕無論如何要告訴人家沒事了，不要介意，否則對方會很尷尬的。 _________________________________________________________________

蔡楓華

~~~蔡楓華~~~ 當我知道呢段報導後，真係感慨良多，甚至有點欷歔 其實我都覺得佢好可憐﹐因為佢都曾經紅過(?七八十年代)，風光過，重有好多fans添... 查實佢當年?外表(人稱白馬王子)同佢D歌都唔錯?，(起碼當年D人參加新秀比賽時都會選佢D歌來唱)，尤其是佢果首「倩影」，又真係一首經典喎！在電台又是紅DJ。。。 (相信30歲以上?人都一定知道呢D往事) 只可惜因為一次失言﹐而被TVB封殺。。。繼而被傳媒一沉百踩，直至現在。。。(不過冇辦法啦，娛樂圈就係咁現實?啦！) 又有邊個會想到佢今日會落得如此田地呢？！佢可能放唔低以前光輝?日子而攪到今日?模樣。。。變得瘋瘋癲癲，或者佢真係可能黐?！ 希望佢可以清醒過來﹐面對現實吧！ 以上只是我個人的觀點和感覺﹐若各位有點不認同的話，也希望大家多多包涵。。。